Thursday, April 10, 2014


"Cynthia Johnson will NEVER make out with you!!"Carl teased.

"Guys, we just haven't met yet." I said. "She's in junior high I'm a 6th grader. There aren't many opportunities to mix and mingle."

Cynthia was the coolest girl in Bull Moose Junior High. She was so beautiful!

Many of the girls hated her. She was so vain. And so rude.

"Are you guys drooling?" I taunted. But we all lusted greedily over her sweet, voluptuous lips.

And I constantly tried to think of a way for Cynthia and I to get together, alone. Not only to get some action with her, but to prove to my gang that I could do it.

Then, an idea popped into my brain. I'd recruit my sister, Peggy, to think up an idea. She was so resourceful and very fast.

"Yippee!" I yelled when she had the idea. "I knew you could do it. Tell me about it."

Peggy got us each a drink of lemonade then summoned me to the kitchen table.

"The plan is simple, George." She said. "I'll have a dance in our back yard, Saturday night."

"And, I'll make sure Cynthia is there."  She winked. Peggy loved playing match maker!

"Awesome, Peggy!" I said. "Thanks a million!"

Later that day, I told all my buddies to meet me at the park for some exciting news.

"Cynthia is coming to my house for a party, Saturday night!" I bragged to my friends.

I then laid out my strategies, step-by-step. My gang was so envious!

"Promise to tell us all about it, Sunday morning!" Bob said. "Don't leave any of the juice out!!"

"Yeah!!" Norman said, but he didn't really get it.

Well, Saturday night came, and Peggy's party turned out better than I had hoped!

As promised, the next morning, I assembled my buddies and gave them my report.

"The dance was SO awesome!" I bragged to my friends. "Cynthia was dressed to the nines."

Then, I proceed to give them a play-by-play narrative.

"When the last dance came, she TOTALLY got into it." I said.

"As the music went on, we held each other tighter and tighter!"  I breathed heavily for effect.

"Honestly, we could hear each other's hearts POUNDING!" I lied to make my friends jealous.

"It was SO romantic." I blurted out!!

"THEN, I KISSED HER!"  I yelled exultantly.
"And Cynthia kissed me back, hungrily!" I bragged. 

"Then, we went off by ourselves and started MAKING OUT!!!"  I totally stretched it.

"WE MADE OUT FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR." I really lied this time.

My pals were hanging on every word. Chuck was panting, about to hyperventilate.

When I got to school Monday morning, I expected to see Cynthia bragging to everyone about the wonderful time she'd had with me. Especially the kissing part.

But instead, she burned me! Cynthia was telling everyone that my kisses were gross.

"He slobbered all over me!" She whined. "It was just terrible!"

I was really hurt because I thought she loved me and our wonderful kiss.

And now, she was mocking me!


"She has no clue who she's dealing with!" I thought angrily to myself.

I had to stop her quickly or else no girl would ever want to kiss me.

One of us would go down----either Cynthia or me. And I knew I would win!

But I'd need to resort to more gosh-awful fibbing. But occasionally, it has its uses.

"SHE'S MAKING IT ALL UP!"  I loudly told everyone.

"The truth is that we made out for over an hour!" I lied. "She kept telling me she loved it. She wouldn't keep her hands off me! When it was time to go home, she wouldn't stop!"

"Cynthia just told you that my kisses were terrible." I said. "It doesn't sound like it, does it?"

"Now I do admit that when it got really cold that night, my nose started to run a little." I said truthfully. "My upper lip was getting a little wet."

"But apparently she didn't care because she initiated dozens of kisses." I said.
"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!" She bawled. "George is lying, don't you see??!!!!!"

"Yes, we do see." Samantha said. "You tried to make us think that George was the liar!"

"Cynthia, you are a filthy, lying ______!" A girl named Judy yelled.

"Well, there you have it." I said.

"So I gave Cynthia got just what she deserved. I said.

"I SLIMED HER!!!"  I roared triumphantly!

Simultaneously, everybody broke into applause! I was their hero!!!

The next day, I heard many of the girls saying things like:

"I wish George and I were boyfriend-girlfriend." or "I wish we were kissing-buddies!!"

Well, dear readers, I lost Cynthia, but I gained a whole bunch of wanna bees.

My gang was so proud to have me as their leader. They kept saying:


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