THE CUTE CHICKS

I DEMAND SATISFACTION!!

You may remember that a month ago, a kid named Eddie Capper moved to town. I told my gang we would call him "The Crapper." We had an obligation to persecuted him because he smelled like ______ and because he was ugly.

(To be fair, those were our opinions and not necessarily those of others).

After the first day of school, we had a big fight.

With demonic rage, The Crapper came after me with a huge board. Fearing death, and in self defense, I threw a big rock at him. Everyone thought that maybe I had hurt his sternum. Well, I really did hurt him, but I didn't break any bones.

At school the next day, the Principal made me pull my pants down. Then he spanked me 10 times. The Crapper didn't get spanked at all.

"Now, how fair is that???"

Well, it's been a month now. And since then, we've given each other a lot of serious guff.

But then, the Crapper totally crossed the line!

He gave me an OBSCENE HAND GESTURE!!

In front of everybody!

"I demand satisfaction!!!" I announced to everyone.

I wanted to pound his face!!!

But I vowed that I wouldn't serious hurt him, like I did before. That's why I chose to throw apples at him.

The apple tree was in a vacant lot, not too far from the Junior High School.

The Crapper's school bus let him off  by from the vacant lot.

"The Crapper's coming!" My friend Art yelled. He was the most annoying member of my gang.

"How many apples do we have?" I asked.

"A bag for each of us." He said, so nasal, I nearly gagged.

"We'll start throwing on three!"

"1---2---3 - - - - -FIRE AWAY!"

We ran after him and threw apple after apple until they were all gone. Of course, Art missed him way too many times. In terms of damages, The Crapper only had some rotten apples splashed on his coat and pants.

Blast it all to heck, he got away!

"It's your fault, Art!" I yelled. "You should have got him!"

Conceding defeat for the day, we decided to go home. We were starving!

When we past the Junior High School, Art bawled:

"My heck, George, where did all that blood come from?"

"What blood?" I asked.

"What blood?" Art asked. "There's a puddle of blood by your foot, and it's getting bigger!"

Looking down, I could see the puddle, but neither of us could figure out how I had cut my foot.

"You must have cut it in the vacant lot, or in the apple tree." Art said. "Or somewhere else."

"Duh!" I thought.

I wondered if he inherited his stupidity, or if he learned it himself.

"That must really hurt!" Art exclaimed.

"Honestly, Art." I proclaimed. "I don't feel a thing. It's no big deal."

Don't you even feel wet?" Art risked asking.

"You moron!" I thundered. "Of course I feel wet! What a stupid question!"

"Sorry." He wimpered. "What should we do now?"

"Nothing!" I growled. "It'll stop bleeding. You're making too big a deal about this."

Thinking it over, I agreed that we ought to do something.

"Art, would you run down to your house and get a Band-Aid?" I asked, nicer now.

While Art was gone, a cute girl, who went to the Junior High, was headed home. When she saw all the blood, she belted out, with authority:

"Stay right there, I'm going to get some help!!" She commanded as she took off running.

"No, I'm okay." I explained. "My friend's getting a Band-Aid."

"Listen, if you don't get some help fast, you'll be dead. You've lost a lot of blood!" She said.

Within moments, the vice-principal and the star wrestler came running out of the school. They threw me into the car! The hospital was located in the next town. The vice-principal drove like a mad man the entire way!

The big kid got down on the floor. He grabbed my ankle with both hands, and squeezed with all his might. But he couldn't top the blood! It squirted out between his fingers!

On the way there, I fainted. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed.

"Welcome back." My beautiful, young nurse said. "We about lost you. We got some blood into you in the nick of time."

"We can't send you home until the doctor releases you." She explained. "Once you're at home, you will have to stay in bed for about three weeks. If you try to get up too early, you'll faint."

"Bummer!" I lied. "I hate to miss school."

As I lay in bed for the next three weeks, I watched soap's all day long. They were all about gorgeous women. My heart pounded. I thought I would get bored at home. Not even!

My sister, Susan, brought me school work so I could keep up. My class was learning the circulatory system, and I found it fascinating.

When I got back to school, I was the most knowledgeable and enthusiastic kid in class. Nobody could believe it! George, knowledgeable and enthusiastic? No way!

"We're glad you're back, George." The cute substitute, Miss Cook said. "You've been missed."

"Now class, who can come up to this diagram, and briefly explain the circulatory system?" Miss Cook asked.

"Teacher, teacher, call on me!" I begged.

"Okay, George, but I didn't expect you to know this material since you've been absent for weeks. But go ahead and try." She said.

I ran up to the diagram and showed how the blood flows from the heart through the arteries down to the ankle, and then returns to the heart through the veins.

"Great job, George" Miss Cook said. "Let's give him a hand!"

All the class clapped.

"I cut my artery right here." I boasted. "I lost so much blood that I nearly died."

"We're glad that you pulled through." Miss Cook smiled. I imagined that she winked at me!

"Hey guys!" I invited. "Take a gander at my scar!"

The boys scrambled up to see the bright, inch-long scar. The girls squealed!

Miss Cook also jumped up to see my scar.

"Cool!" She said, really excited.

 Wow! She was hitting on me!  Heck, what's 10 years difference in age?


So guys, if you want to meet some cute chicks, cut your artery!