HOW DARE HIM?

"George, we will have guests for dinner tonight." Dad said.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Well, the missionaries are teaching a new family----the Jones's." Dad replied.

"Oh." I grunted. "Like, who cares?" I thought to myself.

Dad was the Branch President of our little church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Most people called us Mormons.

"They have a son your age----'something' Jones." Dad declared. "He's a 7th-grader, like you."

"After dinner, the adults will talk until 9:00." Dad said. "You boys can play outside."

"Mrs. Jones says that the poor boy doesn't have any friends." Mom explained. "How sad."

"But Mom, Dad." I said. "There isn't any Jones kid that goes to my school."

Just then the doorbell rang. Mom opened the door and said "welcome, welcome" to the Jones's.

"THE CRAPPER!" I yelled silently. "How dare that jerk come to my house!"

I couldn't savvy this.

But whatever the deal was, he was my worst enemy and I had vowed to punch him out!

Then they all introduced themselves, Clay, Beatrice, and Ramie Jones, and Eddie Capper.

I went to the bathroom to try to figure this all out. Eddie's mom must have married Capper previously and had Eddie Capper. Then she married Clay Jones. That is why everyone went by Jones except for him---he was a stepchild.

After a very awkward dinner for us boys, Dad said: "George why don't you show Eddie the woods. If you go to the river, be extra careful. Be back by 9:00."

"Sure thing, Dad." I said, trying to hide my rage.

"Three hours!" I yelled inside my head. "With my enemy? I may kill him!"

Not only did I hate him, I hated his freakish clothes. He had such WIERDO POCKETS. He was like a cave man.

"Well, at least I can enjoy making a fool out of  him." I thought. "I can show this sissy who has the most skills in the woods."

I grabbed my canvas belt, hunting knife, axe, hatchet, and bow saw. He was impressed, like I had hoped.

I took him to the river.

"If we only had some fishing line, I could show you how to catch some big rainbow trout." I said.

The Crapper thrust his hand into his pocket and out came the fishing line.

"Okay," I said. "But line alone won't catch us fish, genius, we need hooks and sinkers."

"No problem." He said. "I also have swivels and spinners. And various types of bait. We can dig for worms with this spoon." The large spoon was part of a multi-use knife.

"I'm impressed!" I thought. And I wanted that knife, but would never say so.
  
"How about if we make a fishing pole?" He was really showing off  now.

"Sure thing." I said. But I was pretty sure that this was all talk.

The Crapper didn't just make a crude fishing pole, made out of a stick, he made a high-quality one.

I was amazed!

When we were ready, I said "you first, Eddie." I totally wanted him to fail!

In about five seconds, he had a 16-inch rainbow trout on his line. Boy did it give him a fight! What a beautiful fish! But, I'd show him how much better I was!

I went next and didn't get a bite, although I kept at it for 20 minutes. I got snagged 3 times and lost 2 hooks with the sinkers. Good thing he had lots of supplies.

Then he tried again with two hooks at once, and caught two 13-inchers on the first cast.

"Well, I guess we should take these home, since we don't have a way to cook them up and eat them out here." I said.

"I'm pretty sure we can do it." The Crapper said.

He pulled out of his pocket some matches and got a nice fire going.

Then he pulled out potatoes, aluminum foil, butter, salt, pepper, lemon, sour cream, chives, knifes, forks, and spoons.

"Want a can of Root Beer?" He offered.

"Absolutely, thanks!" I said, thirsty as can be.

He brought out two soda's and we gulped them down. Then, we had a contest on who could burp the loudest. It was fun!!

The Crapper went about cooking up a delicious meal. He wrapped each fish and each potato in foil and he put them in perfectly ready coals. He knew just when to take them out. I'd never tasted such wonderful baked potatoes and trout.

After we gorged ourselves, he pulled out his harmonica, and played some blue-grass tunes. He also played some folk-music tunes. I nodded off because I was so content.

"Eddie, those are mighty-fine pockets." I said. "What's all in there?" I was all friendly now.

"Well, let's see." He proudly said.

"Well, besides my cooking and fishing gear, I have the harmonica, Jews Harp, recorder, Bible, western novel, water-proof matches, saw, scissors, gum, string, rubber bands, scotch tape, masking tape, cards, knife sharpener, water purifiers, first-aid kit, magnifying glass, sardines, apples, rain coat, flares, fire crackers, litter bag, a little money, and all kinds of other items." He boasted.

"Eddie, you are so cool!!" I said. "This is totally awesome!!"

I'd never had such a scrumptious meal in the outdoors, and I had such a great time. I wanted to do it again!

Then we each pulled the necessary item out of our other pocket, and doused the fire. What fun!

With a huge smile, I extended my hand to offer a good handshake, and said:


"Eddie, you're my best friend!"